think it's like running.
you break it up into small parts; you tell yourself you're gonna run just that 400m more. and then when you reach it, you give yourself another small piece within a set time. and bit by bit, piece by piece, you chip away at that entire edifice of fear and worry.
Tried out a new workout regimen today, that left me totally soaked and aching after just half an hour.
Hopefully , it means that as I marshall my body into achieving the specific movements i want, i'm also marshalling my mind- discipline, in short.
will only say what it is if any good comes out of it. if not you guys would think i'm just doing one of my crazy things again. not that i care, but i should spare you right? ;)
EDIT: IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO ON A BACKPACKING TRIP AROUND ASIA, SEE BELOW FOR DETAILS AND CONTACT ME! :D
Blog's alive again, because I think everything's back on track, and I have found a renewed meaning in not ranting all the time. What's more, I found out a few people who do care check back on this blog just to see what's going on with me, so take it I'm honouring you guys (: thank you!
good week so far, primarily because school's over. can concentrate without having annoying nonsense popping up like zits.
studying's productive. i don't force myself to study when i don't feel like it. sleep, play guitar, or go out, then back to studying when i'm done. i think it's enough momentum to improve my grades, and not too much that i burn out.
backpacking trip's shaping up! met up with belmond and julian today, unfortunately hansel couldn't come. if all goes well, we'll be leaving first week of january, taking a budget flight to krabi. we'll be there a few days doing some climbing, kayaking, snorkelling, trekking, etc, before taking a train/bus to bangkok. probably stay there a day, and then take another budget flight to hanoi. we'd probably be in transit there a day, then head down to ha long bay for some sight-seeing. from hanoi we'll head to kunming in china by train, for some service at an orphanage run by a Sister my mom and i have known for quite a long time now; sister maggie. haven't seen the good lady in ages. eh, after that we should be heading down to hongkong, and everything after that seems variable. either we make our way back to hanoi for the budget flight back, or we complete a circle around the south china sea.
THE FRIGGIN SOUTH CHINA SEA BABY. haha anyway, that entails going back to the Chinese mainland, taking a train down to fuzhou, and then taking a ferry to taiwan. after spending a few days mucking around, we'll take a flight to the phillippines. after more mucking around (hopefully we get to go to boracay - AWESOME!), we'll take a ferry down to indonesia, muck around a bit more, then take a boat trip back home to singapore. (: sounds cool eh? hopefully it happens! just need to settle the budget (ie. loans/allowances from parents) to work out our travel plans and allowed expenditure per day, and then to get insurance, and safety/security plans worked out. we're looking at a minimum of two weeks, and preferably four weeks. more time, more places!
other then that, it's more and more studying. Though I have to say I stumbled across bruce lee's training videos, movies, and only tv interview he gave, and all i ahve to say is that the guy earned his legendary status man. he's got charisma, and has some pretty deep spiritual insights of his own. seems ironic all the best fighters seem to be more spiritual than most (except david carradine, who seemed to have died from autoerotic asphyxiationo, eurgh).
caught up with quite a few old friends too. met james who's been back from shanghai for quite a while, just that i didn't realise. haha was good seeing my best buddy from primary school. also met up with the psfs, julian, belmond, colin, dongseok and it's such a bloody relief meeting the old sji guys again. it's either the same old, or the same people with far more refreshing insights than i have. the best part is i felt that just sitting around, talking cock, talking about life, sharing and stuff, without spite, without any superficiality or materialism, just sort of grounded me again. reminded me of what i really love abt sji. i think i came to sjii hoping to make those same strong bonds with many people, but i can't fault people for coming from such diverse backgrounds, and lifestyles/philosophies right? but least to say it was that breath of, ironically, fresh air from the past that i think has primed me for the next two weeks. haha the batch of 2007 really deserves the nickname titans!
still, was a pity i didn't get to meet up with brj, and hansel!
anyway, getting late now. feels good blogging about good stuff again after sucha long time!
hopefully ib exams go well. (:
Firstly, I think you should stop acting like so petty and bitter, and really? Stop spreading your lies.
I tried being civil, and being Christian about this. I tried to turn the other cheek to all the shit you’ve done. Badmouthing me, and trying to poison the people closest to me, talking behind my back, and like a child, getting people to get me away from the group just so you can have your fun without having to see me in a group – what’s the point of all this? And you saying things I would never ever have imagined would come from your mouth. If you’re really the mature, contemplative, introspective person you make yourself out to be, why are you doing all this?
You had a bad attitude, face it. I admit, and mind you, I swallowed my pride to apologise for the harsh words I said. Could you imagine trying to get through to you? Imagine this being said: “My priority is getting myself fit and getting my own academics right.” No problem there, you know what the subtext you didn’t say was? “I don’t care about you, I don’t care about the team, and my priorities come first.” All this happened within the context of training with the team. The clash of priorities was there, and I admit I was wrong to fault you, because your own personal priorities are just as important. But you take it one step too far, and keep insisting that your own priorities are the only one to consider.
I didn’t tell my side of the story to people, and maybe that’s my fault. That way you could take advantage of the situation. And to paraphrase someone, it made your side of the story look like the only side there was to the story.
I didn’t tell my side of the story, and I didn’t consult other people (except two, which thank God, supported me through all this), so that people won’t have to take sides, so that this whole thing won’t escalate. The most horrible thing you can do is to make people take sides by feeding all the negative aspects about a person to them.
You laid down all the worse judgements you had about me, while I kept quiet.
Just because, I like to say “Hey, I cooked again!” with a wide smile - you think it’s easy? You think it’s easy having to cope at home with a senile grandpa, and a sick grandma? You think its easy trying to do my best for council, rock climbing, and try to juggle my studies? You think it’s easy that on top of all of that people still expect you to show a smile in school, if not you’ll be labelled indifferent, arrogant, grouchy, and ‘not-the-same-person-he-was-anymore’ You think it’s easy letting people think everything is okay?
So never mind that you weren’t exactly there for me when I needed you there as a friend. Never mind that you were off having your fun and doing whatever you wanted to do. I thought if I kept quiet, and let people think I was the one with all the blame to shoulder, then maybe you’d come back to your senses. You didn’t.
After one attempt to clear things up with you, one conversation where I thought everything was trashed out already, you still continue to insist on letting it fester.
What gives? Seriously, what gives?
empathy is dead.
i'd like to see the day when layers are peeled, people are understood, and emotions more than just angry, sad, happy, and pissed are felt during the course of the day.
i'd like to see the day people see beyond the filmscape reality right before their eyes, using laughter to postpone questions, questions that might just unnerve, unseat, and totally displace you, because such questions are far too important to be left alone, to be considered when old age is grabbing at your ankles, and waiting for you to slide down to no man's land; every man's end.
no, far too many judgements are made. just like a tree falling in some far off land, there are emotions brewing in people, and layers of them we do not even see or feel. but we know they exist. can you imagine the amount that goes unsaid, unnoticed, and unaccounted for?
empathy is dead,
go beyond the commonplace laughs, and transient comments, and take a step into another person's reality. risk it, even lose it - that's what friendship is.
who am i to the person who hardly sees me, hardly interacts with me, but only sees me moving from notion to notion, routine to routine, conversation to conversation?
is the person to judge me?
to evaluate, to validate, to criticise what i do?
who is the person whom i hardly see, hardly interact with, but only see moving from notion to notion, routine to routine, conversation to conversation?
am i to judge him?
to evaluate, to validate, to criticise what he does?
who am i? who are you?
who am i to you? who are you to me?
if we lose precious time, meant for those minutes containing the human touch, voice, sight, to other bothersome, yet absolutely necessary tasks - will we have time to answer the questions?
or will we just lose track?
it takes a second to judge a person.
it takes a lifetime to know someone.
it takes a second to think you know yourself,
but another second for something to destroy that perception.
it takes a lifetime to know, to realise, and actualise, who you are.
but sometimes we never really have the duration of one exact lifetime.
every second is smaller, every minute more minute, every hour more like a half hour, because of the immense amount of things that are tedium; that are absolutely necessary and yet distract us from the people around us. distractions, nothing more, nothing less, than contractions. contractions of precious, precious time.
hey now don't make a sound
Say have you heard the news today?
One flag was taken down
To raise another in it's place
A heavy cross you bear
A stubborn heart remains unchanged
No home, no life, no love
No stranger singing in your name
Maybe the season
The colors change in the valley skies
Dear God I've sealed my fate
Running through hell
Heaven can wait
Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead-end in sight
Let's say we take this town
No king or queen of any state
Get up to shut it down
Open the streets and raise the gates
I know a wall to scale
I know a field without a name
Head on without a care
Before it's way too late
Maybe the season
The colors change in the valley skies
Oh God I've sealed my fate
Running through hell
Heaven can wait
Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead-end
Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead-end in sight
For every piece to fall in place
Forever gone without a trace
Your horizon takes its shape
No turning back, don't turn that page
Come now, I'm leaving here tonight
Come now, let's leave it all behind
Is that the price you pay
Running through hell
Heaven can wait
Solo
Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead ends
Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead ends
Long road to ruin
There in your eyes
Under the cold streetlights
No tomorrow
No dead end in sight